As an eight year-old, I could never decide between becoming an astronaut, working at Chuckie Cheese, or becoming the president. All were elite societal positions and all were equally attainable. Of course, when you’re young, you’re not considering Article II of the Constitution. I still haven’ t ruled out the first two options, but I’ve discovered quite a few disqualifiers for my presidential ambitions.
If George Bush had Facebook, he couldn’t swing a job at Burger King. It’s now easier than ever to both record the drunken escapades you don’t want recorded and have them uploaded for the world to watch. This is not to say that I’ve catalogued any illegal acts on my page, but the nation isn’t ready for a leader who actively uses the Zombies application.
The line between sarcasm and truth becomes thinner for me every day. You know how George Bush’s big asset is that he “tells it like it is?” I’m not sure I could handle that. When it comes to announcing national crises, I prefer to lighten the crowd up a bit (“That levy collapsing? Yeah, we meant to do that—no big deal, right? Jk, guys. Jk!”) Off-colored jokes aside, the pious position of US President has never been tarnished, and I’d hate to start the trend…
My name is German enough to brand a line of automobiles. But not smooth enough for American president. Kennedy? Reagan? Roosevelt? Bush? These are all recognizable enough names, regardless of national descent. But somehow “Huckabee” is smoother than my last name and presents a formidable contender in the race. Now, if only he wasn’t a crazed low-key evangelist...
Question: Why couldn't you be president of the Red, White and Blue? Or maybe you could...I dunno...either way, let us know!
Why I couldn't be President of the United States of America
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