As new semesters begin, I generally like to start afresh, prepare myself for success and have my entire life organized to the point where everything makes sense. But I smell a rat. No, I smell Britney Spears. Or is it Bill Richardson? I've got a funny feeling about the coming days...
1)
It’s hot! There’s nothing like welcoming the new year with 60 degree weather. Granted, we are in Bloomington where it tends to run a bit warmer, but this is isn’t Arizona. If it’s this warm tomorrow, I’m wearing shorts and giving a shoutout to Al Gore.
2)
Bill Richardson is still running for president! I don’t mean to be completely critical of our nation’s potential leadership, but are New Mexicans (do they call them that?) really proud of this guy? He seems incredibly unqualified next to his three Democratic counterparts. I’ll admit I’m not too familiar with the man’s policies, but then I’m not too familiar with Krusty the Clown’s policies either.
3)
The Spears Family. It’s a statement of its own, and it doesn’t add up. I apologize if you are Britney’s second cousin and think she’s a complete whack job, but I’m including everyone with your genetics. I apologize to Mrs. Spears too, my preschool teacher who has no relation to Britney and Jamie Lynn—except for the plagued last name. I’ve gotta do it teacher, sorry. You’re on the list.
4)
My neighbor has kept her New Year’s resolution to this point! The girl next store is just like any “girl next door” girl you can imagine—except I’ve never spoken to her when she’s not under the influence of a psychedelic drug. I introduced my mom to her while she was tripping acid. My mom thought she was a nice girl, while she thought my mom was a giant pink elephant. Good news though, she gave it up!*
5)
Caldwell’s interviewing with the Falcons. Who’s the most heralded player in football right now whose name doesn’t start with “T?” Peyton Manning. You couldn’t pay me any amount of money to switch to another team. You are the quarterback coach for the greatest non-douchebag quarterback of our time. What are you going to tell the grandkids? I wanted more money?
*I give her ‘til Saturday.
Five Items That Don't Add Up
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