I’ve been fuming about this for awhile, but today it just got out of hand. The “gifts” available on the right-hand panel of Facebook’s homepage have never really served any purpose. I don’t care if proceeds go to charity—the actual icons that are available for purchase irritate me for two reasons.
- If it was possible to exert a negative amount of effort—to retract effort—that’s how much effort I would say is put into these meaningless icons that are purchasable for $1.00. Initially, Facebook offered several free gifts to get people to bite on to the idea, and, although silly, the gifts seemed somewhat practical.
Sure, I’ll throw a buck down for a Happy Birthday Cake icon or an animated rose for Valentine’s Day. But who the hell is purchasing the cougar? That’s right, there’s a f*cking animated cougar, laying down, that is purchasable for $1.00. How do they come up with these? Is there really a guy who comes into the Facebook meeting room every morning with a new idea every morning? “Alright folks, this one’s my bread ‘n butter I’ve been sittin’ on for a few weeks: it’s the car key! Everyone will want this virtual car key to give to their buddies!” Get ‘em while they’re hot…which leads me to my next complaint…
- Beneath every daily gift, regardless of how lame or inexcusable it may be, there is a set availability to entice users to flock to them before they’re left in the dust by the trendy train.
“Availability: Until sold out.”
How you run out of something that requires no finite materials to construct, I have no idea. But let's say that statement somehow illicits a sense of urgency from me. Unfortunately, it's followed by this one:
“Number Available: 1,000,000 total.”
Are you kidding me Facebook? I mean, Beanie Babies could run this operation better than you—I know 1,000,000 x $1.00 = $1,000,000, but change the game up. I might--
might-- consider purchasing one of your sweet cougars if there are 7 available. Even then, it's a whole dollar, which can get me a double cheesburger at McDonald's.
Step your game up, Facebook. For shame.
Breaking News: 1,000,000 Bowl of Soup Gifts Available on Facebook
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