Yesterday, I skipped class to check out this year’s “Latexhibition.”If you’ve never heard of the event, just imagine what a few Art majors would produce if you told them to use condoms as their medium. Yeah, I know: juicy.
Well I figure you can only have so many heels and tote bags crafted from condom wrappers, so I’ve begun to brainstorm for next year’s big safe-sex event. If I was an IU student, what event would I attend to raise awareness for safe-sex practices?
Jenna Jameson Book Signing: Okay, I realize she’s a porn star. But who keeps it safer than the porn industry? I mean, they have resident doctors who check every inch of every lame steroid-consuming hunk of meat who lays a finger on Jenna. Plus, her books have seen relative levels of success, so doesn’t that promote the positive outcomes of safe sex? No? I think the correlation is clear: practicing safe-sex will make you a successful author.
More Bloomington Strip Clubs: Just let me explain, hold on. I realize that strip clubs usually promote negative values that objectify women. Yeah, I get all that. But think about how much safe-sex money you could raise! The motor-boatin creeps around Bloomington wouldn’t know what hit 'em if a few kindhearted Bloomington students got up on stage. Granted, we would be turning in an enormous amount of dollar bills to Bloomington Hospital’s charity, but it’s all for a great cause, right?
Smut Porn Convention: Let’s just get it out there. How popular is 2Girls1Cup right now? Pretty damn popular. In fact, I had trouble on one of my exams today because I couldn’t get the classical piano theme out of my head. Well, the popularity of this despicable short film only eludes to the fascination college students have with reprehensive sexual acts. It doesn’t mean we accept them, but education is the focus here, right? I’m sure any Kinsey professor would agree with me—after calling the police.
Safe-Sex Events: Looking Forward
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