I had a wonderful Thanksgiving. My family was wonderful, the food was plentiful, and the nightly binge drinking was more than I could ask for. But let’s face it, Thanksgiving’s over. I think it’s fitting that we all stop being so damn thankful. Christmas is coming, so I’ve begun to round up a list of what I want out of IU these next few weeks. McRobbie owes me, and I’m not taking “no” for an answer.
Nudity in the IDS: I’m not just talking about the occasional nipple-slip. I’m talking about ditching the Editorial Page and giving the student population what it deserves: full throttle centerfolds of IU’s hottest girls. You saw the attention the Playboy auditions received, so the models are available. Stop exporting our local talent and make a few bucks off your paper! I would pay a dollar or two for an issue that provides me with both my top headlines and topless sorority chicks. Think about it, McRobbie.
Free iPhones for all IU students: I hate Apple, but these are pretty cool. If you hooked Freshmen up with free football tickets, you can hook 40,000 iPhones up, right? I mean, those are
roughly comparable scenerios, right?
Free taxi service: My bike broke, and I don’t live anywhere near a bus route. It’s freakin’ cold, man. All I want is to be able to walk out of my door and into class. Don’t give me that “when I was your age, two miles to school, uphill, both ways” nonsense. This is America, and we are in the 21st Century. I shouldn’t have to deal with being cold or inconvenienced. Ever.
Batman “Light Totem” Display: Okay, I’ll admit that the new “Light Totem” display in from of the IU Art Museum is pretty cool. And it does justice to the 25 years of excellence the museum has put forth. But how awesome would it be if it shot the Batman signal into the sky on random nights? You’re driving down 10th one night, when—oh, snap! Batman is getting paged by the IU Art Musem? Sweet. Now that’s art.
Nudity in the IDS: Wait, did I say that already?
Coming Soon: More stuff IU owes me...
You owe me, McRobbie
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