Sure, the movies can frighten me and the tricks can be devilish. But neither of those things are what I find scariest about Halloween. Tonight is one of the biggest party nights of the year. The bars will be packed and houses full with happy-go-lucky students drinking away their classroom troubles. Most will be dressed in costumes.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a time when embarrassment is expected: boys will cross-dress or wear clothes that are way too small and girls will put on the skimpiest things they can find. As a man, the latter of the two used to be one of my favorite things about this weekend. But then the ignorant bliss I had experience was ripped away instantaneously. It was like I was being punished. I quickly realized that not all girls look good in skimpy costumes.
In fact, this can lead to the scariest part of Halloween—girls who don’t realize the limits of what they can and absolutely cannot (or should not) wear. Until this past weekend, I had not seen much tummy cleavage. I had not seen the upper side of a fupa. I was unaware that love handles could hang past the middle of the thigh. And frankly, I wish my eyes and mind were both still virgins to these notions. I will never look at some of my friends the same, that’s for sure.
Let me give some quick pointers. If you’re hanging out of your outfit and it’s not in the chest region, don’t wear it. If it doesn’t quite fit because of the stomach region, don’t wear it. If your fupa is more visible than normal, definitely DON’T WEAR IT! It will save you and everyone around you from a lot of pain.
So what’s the solution? Be creative. When it comes to a little more cushion, if you’ve got it, don’ flaunt. Go as something cute and creative, something homemade and original, something that suits you. Just eliminate the possibilities of it being “slutty” or “sexy.” When you make that realization, you have made the choice to make everyone’s Halloween just a little bit better.
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