What exactly is fantasy football? Here are a few of my answers to this question, written during the snooze-fest that was the Bills-Jets game today (bright spot: Lee Evans scored!):
The reason many of us go to class late on Monday (and Tuesday) with absolutely nothing done.
How can you possibly think about during homework while three of your starters are playing? Not only do you have three now, but you have a few during the 4:15pm game, and your quarterback is playing on Monday night.
Tom Brady: Redefining the term 'love-hate relationship.'
That’s a hell of a lot of football, but hey, you have to stay updated. So put off that paper due at 8:00am until after the late game. You’ll have plenty of time to do it if you sacrifice about 5 hours of sleep (out of your normal 5 and a half). Don’t even try to go to the library to do your work either. It’s way too easy to follow your team online, and boy, do you feel pathetic as you wait for the GameChannel window to refresh every 3 minutes.
Stay focused on the playoffs and devoted to your team, because watching them play from your couch definitely has an effect on how your players perform out on the field. Your completely self-centered support is what really drives them to do great things out on the field, not their personal pride, or the multimillion dollar paychecks.
The reason you know the name of the Denver Broncos’ 3rd string running back.
OK so he might not be the most consistent player, but he could shape up to be a real sleeper right? You were probably already considering picking him up off the waiver wire until some other guy got him 12 seconds after some “expert” on ESPN recommended it. That guy is totally going to dominate your league for being so damn smart.
The reason Bears fans will sit for 3-plus hours to watch the Packers-Broncos game, just to see if Brett Favre still has some of the old magic.
I don’t care if you have hated a team with a passion for the last 15 years. If you happened to draft their star quarterback, you’re going to be watching some of their games, and you’re going to enjoy it when they help them win by throwing for 350 yards and 4 touchdowns. You know, I’m a Colts fan, but Tom Brady is probably actually a pretty nice guy.
The reason Eagles fans will root for a Terrell Owens touchdown (especially if it’s in garbage time!).
That’s right, as a fantasy football player, you will even blatantly wish for plays against your supposed favorite team. To some, this may mean that fantasy football has killed the concept of fanhood, but come on, even the players are doing it!
If you’re a “real” Colts fan, you probably muster a somewhat believable cheer when Joseph Addai scores another touchdown for some other guy in your league, although deep down you would have liked to see a field goal or at least a pass to Dan Klecko. How they score doesn’t matter if they still win right? If you’re a “fake” Colts fan, you’re playing all of your Patriots next week and hoping for another 49-0 blowout led by Tom Brady.
Yes, fantasy football has extremely addictive qualities comparable to crack cocaine. Yes, fantasy football has some fairly significant side effects, but it’s all in good fun. Why not lose a couple friends over a questionable trade proposal? And for all of you who are worried about what you will do with your time once the season is over, there’s always fantasy basketball. And baseball. And hockey, NASCAR, and golf. What’s next, fantasy school? Count me in!
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