If you aren’t a nobody, this weekend isn’t about Halloween. This weekend is 19 Party. At this point, if you are an admitted nobody, I’ll explain to you 19 Party’s guidelines: About 2,000 young women flock the 19 chapter houses for 20 hours straight to gain acceptance. Who’s buying costumes this weekend, anyway? This weekend is all about wearing black so as not to stick out amongst the blur of mascara, Coach and Lip Smackers. Okay, not many girls wear Lip Smackers anymore, but they should. I love it when my girl’s lips smell like Cotton Candy Clouds or Way-Out Watermelon, yet I digress.
While I could take this opportunity to bash the hell out of the weekend’s ritual happenings and the Greek system, I will instead find three great things to say about 19 party.
- 19 Party does away with normal conversational customs. Instead of hearing the normal slew of “Have a great weekend, Cindy!” and “Don’t get too drunk tomorrow, Brenda!” on Fee Lane today, I heard “Have a good rush, Nancy!” Okay, actually I didn’t hear that. But if there was a hot chick named Nancy on this campus, I would marry her. I know there have got to be some hot Nancy’s out there. You know what to do, ladies. PM me.
- 19 Party is a wonderful way to meet new people. This year, you can choose between Slutty Samantha, Fake-ass Francesca and—all new from last year—Ugly Ugg-wearing Uma. While the wide variety of characters at these functions will, no doubt, judge people on character, the girl who can’t fit into her recruitment t-shirt is out of luck.
- 19 Party boosts the economy. This is the only 20-hour party on IU’s campus where not a drop of alcohol will be consumed. Zero. Zilch. Nada. While that certainly hurts Bloomington’s liquor sales, local Wal-Marts and Targets have reportedly been running low on such necessities as Cherry Coke, Strawberry Sprite, and Sorority-Sized 7-Ups.
So good luck ladies. I might be the only non-Fraternitized male pulling for you, but we’re in this together. Have a good, rush!
19 Party is totes the kewlest
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